Women hint and men ask; true or false? Think about the times you have expected someone to know, to intuit, to sense what it is that you need or want. How many of those times have you been disappointed by the behavior, gift, or phone call that was neither timely nor helpful. Lack of clarity on your part only contributes to confusion on the other end. How much easier is it to tell your spouse, friend or colleague that what you really need is an opportunity to vent rather than for them to problem solve for you. It takes a shift in thinking and perhaps engaging in a difficult conversation, but what is possible at the conclusion? Perhaps a side benefit will be less angst and a greater sense of being seen; feelings honored, and even an enhanced relationship going forward.
We are always in the process of negotiationing, from mini conversations with ourselves to those in a professional/business context. According to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, authors of Ask for It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, it is crucial to look at the big picture. If you always get what you want, your aim has been too low. “Always hearing yes and never risking no- means that you never ask for enough.” Who wants to leave anything on the table in a negotiation, when determining your fees or even making a large item purchase? “Excessive caution, rather than protecting you from rejection or losing face, can actually prevent you from getting all that you are worth, all you deserve and all that’s available. When you aim high in a negotiation, you adjust other people’s perceptions of you. You communicate that you’re willing to stand up for yourself.” And after all, aren’t you the best advocate for yourself?
We can become better at many things by simply practicing. Begin with positive bits of self talk as you advance to negotiations with others.
• Keep your requests simple and to the point
• Be specific
• Keep at it!
©2011 Maureen Weisner
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